Marriage is not made from a Cookie Cutter, so do what works!
Again, please allow me to remind you that it is purely my opinions from my own observations, share if you find it beneficial, and comment if you would like to add, I will respect you if you disagree too.
Respect
No marriage is the same, it is not a cookie cutter. So, respect all marriages. Not all marriages will be the same, nor will they go through the same thing.We cannot judge any marriages for that matter. Doesn't mean Marriage A lasted for over 50 years because his wife is a stay at home wife, it will work well with all marriages. Doesnt mean Marraige B lasted over 30 years because they share all the bills right to the eat-outs, all marriages should be the same.
However, both marriage A & B are right. It worked for them, yeay! Yes it worked, but it doesnt mean yours should follow theirs. At the same time, it doesnt mean you are doing it all wrong. You are right, it makes both of you happy, keep your marriage happy and sane, then you are doing something right.
You have rights to make a different choice. the key is to DO what is RIGHT for you, and your household.
RESPECT all marriages and their household, insya Allah, people will respect yours.
Comparing
Seriously? NO. Don't compare. Don't burn yourself telling that you are a bad wife because you can't cook like Pretty Z, don't punish your husband because he can't upcycle the stool into your drawer set like Macho G. Don't. You will be damaging your marriage more than fixing anything.No two lives are the same, so what works for them may not work for you. In fact it might kill you.
Look, you gotta look at each other and find that thing that made you pull towards each other. Is it the way they clean? You can't get everything nice in one person, there is only so much one can do.
Comparing must be no 1 killer in marriages.
When you want to be respected, you have to respect the household you visit. Don't tell them their house is dirty and question if they had done anything. Don't ever! Likewise don't ask how they manage to keep their house clean. Don't give that dirty look when you see your lady friend pay for her husband, you don't know his finances like she would. Don't ask your brother how he made his wife stay home, it is really her choice, and it is probably for the best. You don't know how their life is like, so don't act like you know everything.
Pray
Keep your faith, and your heart with love by praying together. It helps the Ummah, and it helps you both connect by talking to God. Allah SWT hears you, and He will gladly grant you peace, love, and happiness, if you both work hard to be together, to do what works for each other, and do erase the flaws by focusing the good.Not everyone is like you. You like cleanliness, you teach your partner, tell your partner that you like it this way. It is okay if he can't do it. You are better at it, then do it. :)
Perhaps he is better at finding a good deal, it might help you too. Maybe he is better at negotiating, maybe he is better at making you laugh, I don't know him like you do. But you do, go find that strength in him and love him for that.
Likewise for the men, if she can't cook, then cook with her, learn with her. If she still can't, perhaps she is a better cleaner, maybe she is better at organizing mess, maybe she is a better banker. I don't know her better than you, so go figure!
When you pray, it sets your priorities straight. Can't cook, there are plenty take-outs and eateries, an excuse to even visit your parents or in-laws and eat delicious homecook perhaps. Can't clean, get a part time maid to clean it if you can't do it either, or turn it into a game. Whatever works. You wont die, you just need a bit more work. But when you don't pray, you go astray.. You start thinking ah maybe this marriage is not for me, it wont work. And then what?
Devil
Yup, of course! The Devil loves and calls for a party when marriage don't work, when a marriage break apart. Do you really want the Devil to win? More than your partner?I mean if it gets abusive, and all, by all means.. But if is nothing like physical or emotional abuse, then work on it. Perhaps try listing up the things that are bothering you, maybe it is not your spouse.. So breathe, reconsider, make a list.
Different is ok
Just remember, what works for others, may not be for you.Marriage is not made from a cookie cutter.. Not all women wants to be a stay at home wife, similarly, not all women wants a career driven life. Not all men wants a submissive wife, and not all women likes to wear the pants. Consider doing what works for you and your marriage, and stick with it.
Stop worrying about what others had to say, if your conscience is clear and no one is abused, no one is upset, and that both of you are happy with the arrangements, then go for it.
Like you know, in some marriages, the husband stays home. Don't judge, it works for them. If it doesn't work for you, then don't. Do something else, keep both working till the household is good to be on one income, ya okay. If it works for you. Do it!
I just hope people will stop comparing and forcing things into a marriage that they are not into. Like for example forcing a couple to have children insisting that children would make the marriage happier and what not, hey, I have known someone who got out of marriage because they had kids. So, don't judge. And don't force it down. It worked for you, but it may backfire for others. Would you like to be the cause of a breakdown?
They are of course instances in which they do become better and happier in the marriage after having kids too. And hey! I am not implying that I do not want kids okay, we are dying to have our own kids. Just that I guess Allah SWT has underlying reasons for delaying it for us. And we trust Him.
Do what works
Do whatever works. If your husband is a better housekeeper, and you are not very good at it, it is okay. If he is happy to do it, what right has others to say he is not man enough? You god damn know he is a man. Better if he can cook, bake and everything nice. Hey.. Desserts are good for everyone to de-stress, right?
And if she is better at carpentry, fixing broken furniture and assembling stuff, and you are not so good at it, or don't enjoy doing so,then let her do it if she is happy with it, what right has others to say she is dominating the house by doing that? You god damn knows she loves you and is very much a little girl inside!
I shall end it here, insyaAllah if there are more points to cover, I will add on.
Keep the marriage strong and happy,
Jun
Wassalam
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